


Works I need to write down to get out of my head

by kynaraliv14



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Other, Poetry, Randomness, idk what i am doing, please don't ask why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kynaraliv14/pseuds/kynaraliv14
Summary: Collection of terrible writings that I have to write down before I go insane
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [friends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/friends/gifts), [girls who will never love me back](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=girls+who+will+never+love+me+back).



> If anyone actually reads this...
> 
> uhhhhh have fun

Forgive me for I have sinned

Oops, I think it was during the summer  
when I first noticed   
the endless legs and too pink lips.

Whoops, I didn't mean to let those   
gorgeous eyes stop me in my tracks.  
It's not my fault they looked like the sun   
streaming through an autumn forest.

Sorry, I knew you wouldn't approve yet   
I still followed into the public bathroom stall.  
But can you blame me, you created the bronze sunset  
of her smile, so blindingly bright and you expected me to ignore it?

That's not fair.   
You made us, what did you think would happen?

Y'know what?  
I don't think it angers you or goes against what   
you had planned,   
you formed such beauty with the idea of it   
being appreciated in mind. You didn't care   
who it was doing the praising, as long as it was  
respectful.  
I know I am in awe when they walk by. That   
the coveted shock of their attention is almost holy. 

But I'll ask for forgiveness,  
even now. Everyone screaming at me to repent  
for their rules. I don't actually care,   
but she does, and I would do anything for her.

She has to care about them so much, their expectations,  
but I know her.  
She tells me in quiet corners and empty corridors,  
moments of just us, we feel no judgement. So, you  
"must not mind" she laughs in my ear just low enough to be exciting.

Her belief in you is strong, but mine in her is a devout,  
galvanised titanium. A band of will that  
nothing of this Earth or elsewhere can break.   
I will suffer ten plagues to keep her faith  
and build an ark to keep her safe.

The hell they say you threaten for my sins   
is one I am not afraid of.   
Nothing you could do could make me regret this.  
So: forgive me for I have sinned,   
I have committed the sin of happiness  
in the face of hatred.   
The sin I will repeat till the day I die.


	2. Painted on the sky

Standing completely solitary in endless   
fields, the smell of woodsmoke distant  
but ever-present.   
Painted nails brushing my arm  
while arms swing steadily in time with  
each step. Peace tangible and warm.  
It's hard not to smile even as cold air   
crashes against my cheeks, and my  
gloveless hands starting to prickle.   
Eyes that should be focused on the   
pitted landscape drawn elsewhere.   
Hands joining to keep warm as the   
chittering of birds mimics the sounds made.   
Feet walking over yellowing weeds rustle in  
tandem.   
The sky painted in Grecian gold and the  
stencilled marble clouds, hiding those   
below from the prying eyes above. Far away  
sounds of others muted by the winds and wood,  
not silence but the sound of complete comfort  
and crumbling leaf beds.   
Silhouettes against tree trunks too close to  
separate, trying to distinguish between the two  
beings almost impossible.   
The curled tree branches embracing each other  
in complex configurations. Shadows growing  
longer as the sun lowers, a bitter cold that   
doesn't bother or hinder the wandering   
meander.   
The care with which arms cradle and lips  
draw delicate lines on soft faces and smooth canvases.  
Written sonnets float on stolen sun rays, words   
crystallise into icy diamonds that sink into exposed  
skin on impact, melting into bones with a cold caress  
that infuses love and happiness and home.


	3. Down to Parts

As soon as we are able to walk alone

They strip us down, down to parts,

Like those of an antique car. Not connected to each other, separate from each other, completely and utterly for them to look at.

They like to auction us off; 

They want to possess us,

Put us in a shelf and clean us when we get dirty.

Show us off to their friends, compare us with their father’s older models.

We want to say that we aren’t owned,

Because, at face value, we aren’t but we get told how to talk and how to sit and how to eat. So, maybe we aren’t owned but we are controlled. 

All I know is that sometimes, we are stripped. Stripped to the wire, even if we don’t want to be. We are exposed to the elements and then we are left to rust. The longer we rust, the less value we have in their eyes.

Isn’t it sad that we rust so quickly to them? We appeal when we first come out, especially as younger models with advanced systems. But let’s be honest, we are only that much older when a new model comes out and they lose interest.

Marked with a serial number, that is what makes us unique in their eyes. Not the fact that in our code there are so many differences in each one. Sometimes if you ask one of them what they like about us they will say; smart, pretty, smells good. 

We are stripped. Stripped down, down to the barest things they can see. What they see isn’t always a human being. They see sections of us that make us attractive. We try to draw attention to them or we try to draw it away. Isn’t it difficult being so open to all others.


	4. Fall

The act of free falling is one of the most liberating.  
You feel everything in all and no time.  
You feel your heart in your throat,  
You find regrets you never knew you had.  
You realise who was closest to you.

Your brain chooses to tell you everything it can about you  
That you may not have known  
Before you shatter on the ground.

If you do crash to the canyon floor,  
The biggest reward of life would be  
if you know someone is coming to pick up your broken,  
crushed, limp body  
and will painstakingly piece together your skeleton,  
knit your new muscles,  
tighten your ligaments and tendons.  
If you know you are not alone, then the fall was worth it;  
You find things out about yourself without the extreme  
consequences of lying there, unmoving but conscious for the  
rest of time.

The pain you know while you lay there if you believe that no  
one is coming  
Will be similar to every nerve having pins and   
needles.  
It is never ending.

But...

But we know...

We know...

Wel all know God is too cruel to let you die.


	5. Error warning

Error

My mind doesn’t know how to process you. At all. 

You make me scream, cry, laugh and love.   
A storm of perfectly painful emotions knitted with happiness and memories of us.   
Clouds grow dark and heavy with anticipation of pain that never comes.   
Always held on that precipice of breaking,   
running the edge of ecstasy and endings. 

Smiles so bright breakthrough this gathering cyclone,   
banishing the premeditated tears.   
Touches on my arms and body so sweet,   
I become cotton candy, fluffy and melt when you place your tongue on me.

How do you even exist? 

You don’t want to tear me down to stubs   
just to build me into your contorted vision of a fucked up being.   
I’ve never met anyone like you.   
No ulterior motive, a beautifully tragic sun.   
Tragic as you willingly attach yourself to me...

Why? 

Every single time you stroke my hair   
I form a puddle at your feet yet you don’t try to remake me in your image? 

You make me laugh without expecting anything in return.   
The honey of your words soaks my insides till   
I’m hooked on your brand of saccharine candy.   
Yet you don’t withhold this when you’re angry or want something,   
you give it freely and kindly.   
It’s what addicted me in the first place.   
My brain no longer cares that an error message comes up,  
it ignores it in favour of drinking you down till I drown.


End file.
